How To Truly Recognize Love When You Feel It

Most of the signs people tell you to look for in order to know if you’re in love are not very helpful. If you search online for “how to know you’re in love,” you’ll come across a lot of bad advice. Here are some examples:

1. “They’re always on your mind”: This is actually infatuation, not love. If someone is constantly on your mind, you’re not able to focus on other important things in your life, which can be a problem. Real love should fit into your life without overwhelming it.
2. “You crave them” or “can’t get enough of them”: Similar to the previous point, this is infatuation, not love.
3. “They’re your ‘everything’”: Again, this is infatuation, not love.
4. “You see them in your future”: Imagining a future with someone doesn’t necessarily mean it’s love. Sometimes we create fantasies in our minds, but that doesn’t mean they reflect reality. Love is not about completing a picture-perfect fantasy.
5. “They’re the person of your dreams”: Once more, this falls into the realm of infatuation, not love.
6. “You always want them around”: In a healthy long-term relationship, it’s normal to want to spend time with your partner, but it doesn’t mean you have to be together every single moment. Love includes giving each other space and respecting individual needs.
7. “You’ll do whatever it takes to impress them”: Trying too hard to impress someone is not a sign of love. Love is not about impressing someone; it’s about genuine connection and care.
8. “You’re scared”: Love shouldn’t involve fear of loss or fear of never being with someone else. Those feelings are more related to attachment and lack of self-esteem.
9. “You’re jealous”: Jealousy is a sign of attachment, not mature love.
10. “They’re beautiful”: Appreciating someone’s physical appearance is more about self-love than love for the other person. It’s not a reliable indicator of love.
11. “They’re kind”: While it’s great to have a partner who meets your emotional needs, it doesn’t mean you’re necessarily loving them. Loving someone goes beyond just recognizing their kindness.
12. “You just know”: This is unhelpful advice. It’s better to seek a deeper understanding of love rather than relying on a vague feeling of “just knowing.”

To truly understand if you like someone as a person or if you love them, consider the following:

• Liking them as a person: If they stand out from others and you appreciate more than just their looks, that’s a good sign. Wanting them to be happy and being comfortable trying new things with them are also positive indications.
• Loving them: Love is a deliberate and conscious decision, not just a feeling. It involves investing effort, not intentionally causing harm, being secure without constant reassurance, prioritizing their needs, and showing support and care. It means loving them even during difficult times, avoiding fights, and instead seeking agreements, understanding, listening, compromising, apologizing, and forgiving.

Rather than searching for ways to “know” you’re in love, focus on learning how to love. “Being in love with” someone is often infatuation, and it doesn’t necessarily lead to real love. What truly matters is how you act and show love consistently over time.